The Global School of Alternate Facts

Are you looking for the best education for your children? You have come to the right place indeed. Welcome to the 21st century New Age Global School of Alternate Facts!

Here is a sample of our latest interactive updated syllabus for your reference.

Fact 1: Humans evolved millions of years ago and our socio- cultural context is dynamic

The ecology of social transitions in human evolution:


Alternate Fact: What some people wrote in books based on their understanding 2000 years ago is what we must follow to the word, forever and ever more.


Fact 2 : Humans have sex and children need sex education since they are more likely to use that information than the Pythagoras theorem is real life.

Alternate Fact: Sex education will make young people go out of control. They should study and stay celibate till they get married because sex is a bad bad thing. In ancient India we were all so pure and celibate. Kamasutra was a fictional book and the Khajuraho caves were just joshing. We became 1.2 billion because a cow drank a peacocks tears. She already had 33 crore gods living inside her, so ……..ya that is how it happened.

Satirical Sex Ed class in India:

Health Minister Dr HarshVardhan says “This so-called sex education in schools should be banned.”



Fact 3 : Monogamy may have been a social construct imposed by a patriarchal society.

“ The 1961 census found that incidence of polygamy was the least among Muslims, with just 5.7% of the community likely to practice it. Hindus actually had a higher incidence rate of polygamy, at 5.8%, although other communities, including Buddhists and Jains, were proportionally even more likely to practice polygamy. At the top were tribals, 15.25% of whom were polygamous.”


Alternate Fact: No no, polygamy is found only in followers of one religion and they have a history of a poor status for women also. So we are going to get rid of triple talaq. See, in our religion you can leave without saying a single word. Look at our Modi-ji. Why you have to speak so much if you are going to go away anyway?


Fact 4 : Global warming of even 4 deg will cause island cities like Mumbai to drown


Alternate Fact: What nonsense! What you think Shivaji statue to be built at 2330 crores is going to do outside Gateway if not protect Mumbai and the Marathi Manoos? For extra protection we will also post a posse of cows.


Fact 5: People are choosing not to have a girl child because the status of women is less than the cow.


Alternate Fact: Of course not! We pray to goddesses all the time! Durga, Kali, Sita Maiyya, Radha, Laxmi, Saraswati. And without girl child who will our boys marry when they grow up? That is only reason we want to save girl child. They will earn at our school that their role is meant to be secondary and only for cooking cleaning and child rearing. All for free!



Fact 6: Despite dowry and child marriage being illegal it is still happening on a gigantic scale and the authorities are not stopping it.


Alternate Fact: When was the last time you heard news about dowry?? It is not happening. Girls have to be married young to keep them safe no? Who is safer than the husband? After all, marital rape is not a crime here. We have banned it. Along with alcohol at highways, sex education, pornography, lesbianism, freedom of speech, girls using mobile phones, inter caste marriages, common sense and many, many other terrible things that you will find only in India, never in Bharat.


Fact 7: Peacocks and peahens are birds and have sex to procreate.

Alternate Fact: Peahen drinks tears of the celibate peacock. This is a logical evolutionary mechanism. And Krishna wears the peacock feather because he is the icon of celibacy. He and his 50,000 wives, and also Radha, only listened to him playing the flute and gazed in adoration at the peacock feather.


So, what are you waiting for?? Enrol your ghar ka chirag today! Special pre-monsoon discount for the next term! If you take the right decisions your son or daughter could grow up to be a high court judge, the Minister for Women and Child development or even the Prime Minister of India or President of the United States !

For appointments write to us at

We will respond within 24 hours as soon as the sun revolves around the earth once (unless there is a solar eclipse in which case we will respond after the havan to pacify the rahu ketu gods.)



5 thoughts on “The Global School of Alternate Facts

  1. wow! I absolutely agree with the logic behind this, it appears that even in 2k17 our great nation is not ready to talk about things openly. Forget about accepting(that looks like a dream). Sex, gay marriage, girls’ dressing or even global warming for that matter all the people who dare talk about this are judged intensely for doing so. schools and teachers also teach wrong values about what a women should be. society keeps telling us that we need to “be fair skinned” to pull our life together. so many topics needing to be explored and more than a billion people refusing to talk. I absolutely love the way you have put this here, really amazing. I hope a lot of people get to read this.

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